What if Social Media is Right about Me?
It just so happens that I am a genius. I am also a certified leader (or Happy. I
keep forgetting which one). Most
important, you will be happy to know that I am smarter than 99% of all other users
of social media. On the other hand, it
appears that I do not love anyone in my family nor do care about important
social issues and, apparently, I do not want to find a cure for a whole slew of
horrible diseases from breast cancer to AIDS.
At least that is what my social media habits say about me. I often wish it were that simple. How great the world might be if my abilities
and achievements can be determined by how I respond to a single post on Face
Book or Linked In?
I could forever gain great comfort in knowing I am a genius just
because I can figure out that the answer to 9 x 9 is some number other than 81
based on the previous wrong answers to other equations ranging from 1 x 1 to 7
x 7. If I had known about the internet
years ago, I could have saved tens of thousands of dollars on my Wharton MBA
because, according to LinkedIn, the only qualification you need to be a leader
(or to be happy. I keep forgetting which
one) is to see that word first on a word search board. Should I just accept providence and be proud of
the fact that knowing the proper execution order of mathematical signs puts me
in the top one percentile of all Face Book users or should I be worried that
99% of the internet generation cannot do simple fifth grade math?
Oh, the places I could go with my newly found broadband
powered greatness.
But, unfortunately, this level of greatness comes at a
cost. My failure to “Like” melodramatic
sayings espousing love for family, god and/or puppies puts me in the company of
other cads who also don’t love their families (or god or puppies). There was a time when I thought I loved
family, faith and furry creatures, so imagine my sadness to find out that I do
not. Maybe, the most disheartening thing
about being defined by my social media activities is the realization that I do
not want to cure anyone…of anything. My
refusal to share heartwarming stories of courageous people beating long odds
and conquering unfathomable diseases has branded me as an uncaring psychopath
who gains pleasure in the suffering of others.
But, did I mention that I am a genius?
I think the only way to survive this emotional roller
coaster that is the internet aptitude test is to approach the internet in the
same manner most of us approach all other aspects of life; pathologically.
Propagate the good things as scientific fact because of its established
foothold in cyberspace and callously dismiss the bad things as hocus pocus
originating from North Korea in another feeble attempt to discredit the Satan
that is America.
That works for me. I
am a genius you know.
