The Worst Drivers – by Rich N. Penniless
Let me begin by saying that the opinions put forth in this
study are neither statistically proven nor third party substantiated. They are based on anecdotal evidence garnered
from commuting by car 30,000 miles per year for far too many years and living
the daily human nightmare commonly referred to as the Cross Bronx Expressway.
This unscientific study will not address the physical,
ethnic or cultural characteristics of the actual drivers but instead will focus
on the make of cars that seem to garner the lion’s share of road stupidity. It would
be insensitive to generalize most drivers going below the speed limit in the
left lane as [insert politically incorrect ethnic stereotype here] or overcrowded religious minivans. It also might propagate false stereotypes to
say that all drivers going 45 miles per hour in the right lane of a highway are
large women, old people…or [re-insert politically incorrect ethnic stereotype here] and overcrowded religious minivans. And it might cause an uproar to classify
every careless speeder who weaves indiscriminately in and out of traffic
without any regard for their fellow citizens as white males from New Jersey between
the ages of eighteen and thirty. Instead, this report will only focus on the
makes of the cars that corner the market on stupid things.
So, without further ado, here is the list of the cars that
contain the worst drivers (in order of worst driver-ness)
1.
Audi
2. Hyundai
3.
Volkswagen
4.
BMW
5.
Prius (I know it’s a model and not a make but I
am sure everyone will agree with me on this one exception)
6.
Nissan Sedans (again a slight variance on the
theme but I really do not encounter many Nissan SUVs doing excessively stupid
things. Altimas, Sentras and Maximas are
a different story.
The Audi Enigma
I don’t know why but the closest I have ever gotten to
serious accidents have primarily come at the hands of Audi drivers. In my travels, it is the Audi drivers who disproportionately
decide to exit right from the left lane of a three lane highway more than any
other make of car with which I am in contact.
I am also not sure whether it is an option to have the turn signal
removed from a new Audi upon purchase but I would think this must be the case
given the number of Audi drivers who like to surprise the rest of us with their
unannounced lane changes. I am not a psychiatrist
or psychologist but I have an opinion as to why Audi drivers appear to be so
insensitive to their surroundings.
Actually I have determined that it is one of two possible scenarios. Audi
drivers have either a major superiority complex or a major inferiority
complex. The former comes from the fact
that Audis really are technical marvels and can arguably outperform most
similar cars on the road. The latter
comes from the fact that although they are driving this impressive performance
vehicle, Audi drivers are still not driving a BMW or Porsche. This insecurity manifests itself in a constant
attempt to drive around and through everything else on the road. Or maybe it’s just that they are making a
statement that they are not just another luxury car lemming following the
masses to Bavaria’s best. The best way
to make a statement is to shout it loud and clear.
Hyundai, Hyundai everywhere…
If it hadn’t been for those several Audi drivers that I
witnessed almost driving people off the road, I would have chosen Hyundai
drivers as the worst things on four wheels. I haven’t figured it out as to
whether Hyundai drivers are that much worse than the general population or
whether it has to do with the fact that there are just so many freaking Hyundais
on the road that the law of averages just naturally applies. Or maybe there is
something deeper afloat here. The
plethora of Hyundai daredevils on the road most likely stems from premise that
Hyundai is the first car maker to actually make a higher performing car that is
affordable to the masses. As such, you
now have given the equivalent of a road rocket to some of the less fortunate
among us who, up until now, were limited by their intelligence and/or their
pocket book, to purchase such performance.
The semi-uniqueness of the Volkswagen
Volkswagens are for those drivers who want the world to
think they are different and unique but are not prepared to go all in. As such, they end up being conflicted and
confused and indecisive. This extends to all facets of their lives and we
unfortunately get to experience it first hand in their poor driving. Face it, it you really wanted to be different
or unique you would be driving a Prius, Fit, Mini, KIA Soul or any similar car
whose ugliness factor is only surpassed by its quirkiness. We will discuss the Prius in further detail
below. To be perfectly honest, if you
want to be unique but not ready for quirky, go with a Subaru.
BMW, The penultimate driving menace
BMW drivers tend to think of themselves as the very manifestation
of the elite, high performance driving machines in which they can be found
weaving in and out of traffic. They
drive great cars and they know it. Unfortunately,
they need to flaunt it in our faces at every turn (and straightaway). One positive thing I can say about BMW drivers
is that, as they zoom from lane to lane at excessive speeds, they do tend to
use their turn signal more than most other luxury cars. Thank you for that.
A Prius, A Prius…My gas credit card for a Prius
I am not sure I need to even explain this one. Prius drivers
live in their own private Idaho. They
are so busy trying to maximize gas mileage that the standard rules of
acceleration, speed limit, merging, keeping up with traffic and non-dynamic
braking are seemingly suspended in Prius-ville.
But, one does need to admire the fact that, unlike the Volkswagen
drivers mentioned above, they just do not care what others think.
Nissans: I remember
when I was the performance vehicle for the masses
As mentioned above, this does not apply to the Nissan
SUVs. In short, the Nissan menace
applies to any Nissan that ends in an “a” like Maxima, Altima and Sentra (sorry
New Yorkers but the "Pathfinda" does not count). All I can attribute this to is the theory
that they were the Hyundai bringing performance to the masses before Hyundai
became a better Nissan bringing performance to the masses.
Honorable mentions:
Although not mentioned above, there are some makes and
models that are just on the outside of this list. They include the Cream Colored Toyota Camry (this
may be they only car specifically targeted to 90 years old drivers), any Fiat,
Dodge Chargers and Challengers (although, they may just seem aggressive because
most of them are unmarked police cruisers) and the Lexus (similar
characteristics as the Audi driver but tend to be much older demographic and
thus less a little less aggressive).