The Worst Drivers

The Worst Drivers – by Rich N. Penniless

Let me begin by saying that the opinions put forth in this study are neither statistically proven nor third party substantiated.  They are based on anecdotal evidence garnered from commuting by car 30,000 miles per year for far too many years and living the daily human nightmare commonly referred to as the Cross Bronx Expressway. 

This unscientific study will not address the physical, ethnic or cultural characteristics of the actual drivers but instead will focus on the make of cars that seem to garner the lion’s share of road stupidity. It would be insensitive to generalize most drivers going below the speed limit in the left lane as [insert politically incorrect ethnic stereotype here] or overcrowded religious minivans.  It also might propagate false stereotypes to say that all drivers going 45 miles per hour in the right lane of a highway are large women, old people…or [re-insert politically incorrect ethnic stereotype here] and overcrowded religious minivans.  And it might cause an uproar to classify every careless speeder who weaves indiscriminately in and out of traffic without any regard for their fellow citizens as white males from New Jersey between the ages of eighteen and thirty. Instead, this report will only focus on the makes of the cars that corner the market on stupid things.

So, without further ado, here is the list of the cars that contain the worst drivers (in order of worst driver-ness)

1.       Audi

2.      Hyundai

3.       Volkswagen

4.       BMW

5.       Prius (I know it’s a model and not a make but I am sure everyone will agree with me on this one exception)

6.       Nissan Sedans (again a slight variance on the theme but I really do not encounter many Nissan SUVs doing excessively stupid things.  Altimas, Sentras and Maximas are a different story.

The Audi Enigma

I don’t know why but the closest I have ever gotten to serious accidents have primarily come at the hands of Audi drivers.  In my travels, it is the Audi drivers who disproportionately decide to exit right from the left lane of a three lane highway more than any other make of car with which I am in contact.  I am also not sure whether it is an option to have the turn signal removed from a new Audi upon purchase but I would think this must be the case given the number of Audi drivers who like to surprise the rest of us with their unannounced lane changes.  I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist but I have an opinion as to why Audi drivers appear to be so insensitive to their surroundings.  Actually I have determined that it is one of two possible scenarios. Audi drivers have either a major superiority complex or a major inferiority complex.  The former comes from the fact that Audis really are technical marvels and can arguably outperform most similar cars on the road.  The latter comes from the fact that although they are driving this impressive performance vehicle, Audi drivers are still not driving a BMW or Porsche.  This insecurity manifests itself in a constant attempt to drive around and through everything else on the road.  Or maybe it’s just that they are making a statement that they are not just another luxury car lemming following the masses to Bavaria’s best.  The best way to make a statement is to shout it loud and clear. 

Hyundai, Hyundai everywhere…

If it hadn’t been for those several Audi drivers that I witnessed almost driving people off the road, I would have chosen Hyundai drivers as the worst things on four wheels. I haven’t figured it out as to whether Hyundai drivers are that much worse than the general population or whether it has to do with the fact that there are just so many freaking Hyundais on the road that the law of averages just naturally applies. Or maybe there is something deeper afloat here.  The plethora of Hyundai daredevils on the road most likely stems from premise that Hyundai is the first car maker to actually make a higher performing car that is affordable to the masses.  As such, you now have given the equivalent of a road rocket to some of the less fortunate among us who, up until now, were limited by their intelligence and/or their pocket book, to purchase such performance.

The semi-uniqueness of the Volkswagen

Volkswagens are for those drivers who want the world to think they are different and unique but are not prepared to go all in.   As such, they end up being conflicted and confused and indecisive. This extends to all facets of their lives and we unfortunately get to experience it first hand in their poor driving.  Face it, it you really wanted to be different or unique you would be driving a Prius, Fit, Mini, KIA Soul or any similar car whose ugliness factor is only surpassed by its quirkiness.  We will discuss the Prius in further detail below.  To be perfectly honest, if you want to be unique but not ready for quirky, go with a Subaru.

BMW, The penultimate driving menace

BMW drivers tend to think of themselves as the very manifestation of the elite, high performance driving machines in which they can be found weaving in and out of traffic.  They drive great cars and they know it.  Unfortunately, they need to flaunt it in our faces at every turn (and straightaway).  One positive thing I can say about BMW drivers is that, as they zoom from lane to lane at excessive speeds, they do tend to use their turn signal more than most other luxury cars.  Thank you for that.

A Prius, A Prius…My gas credit card for a Prius

I am not sure I need to even explain this one. Prius drivers live in their own private Idaho.  They are so busy trying to maximize gas mileage that the standard rules of acceleration, speed limit, merging, keeping up with traffic and non-dynamic braking are seemingly suspended in Prius-ville.  But, one does need to admire the fact that, unlike the Volkswagen drivers mentioned above, they just do not care what others think.

Nissans:  I remember when I was the performance vehicle for the masses

As mentioned above, this does not apply to the Nissan SUVs.  In short, the Nissan menace applies to any Nissan that ends in an “a” like Maxima, Altima and Sentra (sorry New Yorkers but the "Pathfinda" does not count).    All I can attribute this to is the theory that they were the Hyundai bringing performance to the masses before Hyundai became a better Nissan bringing performance to the masses.

Honorable mentions: 

Although not mentioned above, there are some makes and models that are just on the outside of this list.  They include the Cream Colored Toyota Camry (this may be they only car specifically targeted to 90 years old drivers), any Fiat, Dodge Chargers and Challengers (although, they may just seem aggressive because most of them are unmarked police cruisers) and the Lexus (similar characteristics as the Audi driver but tend to be much older demographic and thus less a little less aggressive).